I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
Randomize
