shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
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