i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Randomize
