"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Randomize
