i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize
