Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
i was looking up hair salons in ithaca for the wedding and one is a hair salon/ sake bar! you can have sake or champagne while you get your hair done!
question, how would one sake-bomb while getting hair done without getting a horrible haircut?
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
