Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
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