she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
Randomize
