So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Randomize
