People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
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