I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
Randomize
