I swear she didn't look like that last week.
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
Randomize
