My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
Randomize