we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
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