Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
i wish my penis had a tongue
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
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