Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
called my therapist. she asked if I was sad bc of m.j.'s death. are ppl that pathetic?
you need more empathy. some people get depressed for reasons OTHER than being a whore.
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
Randomize
