It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
Randomize
