He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
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she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
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