Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
Come on in and take your pants off
Randomize
