if you like me you must not know who I am
THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
Randomize
