Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
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