Just fell off a train. Bad.
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
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