why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
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