He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
Randomize
