Midget sex pt 2 tonight
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
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