Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
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