The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
Randomize
