just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
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