Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
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