I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
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