hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
