For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
Can't talk, ducks in the car
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
Randomize
