there's paper in my vomit.
I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
Randomize
