Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
Dude manswers just said that a guy can only cum up to eight times in one day. I'm gonna prove that show wrong.
ha well at least you have goals.
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
Going to the u of w I constantly have that moment of, oh hey I felt you up at that rave at folk fest that one time. Winnipeg is too small.
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
Randomize
