YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
Randomize
