youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
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