he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
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