just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
Randomize
