scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
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