dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
Randomize
