Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
she kept yelling 'call me bella'
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
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