yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
Randomize
