Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
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