Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This is my gift to your gina
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
2020 sucks, I want a refund
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