Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
Randomize
