Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
Randomize