im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
Then you guys just all showered together...?
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize
