i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
Randomize
