I'm sorry that you just had your first misguided homo experience
before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
Randomize
