so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
Randomize
