you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
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