The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
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