I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
Randomize
