i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
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