I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Randomize
