Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
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