we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
So about class tomorrow..... i,ll be there. But I may be still a bit drink and wearing a suit. I'll explain when I get there.
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
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