Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
Randomize
