hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
Randomize
