Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
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