I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
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