'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
Randomize
