I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
Randomize
