Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Randomize
