she kept yelling 'call me bella'
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
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it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
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is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
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