How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize
