I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Randomize
